SOCIAL MEDIA

It is okay...

1.05.2007
to need something more. To not be satisfied as being "just a mother", (even though I know that I have never been just a mother). For the longest time I had the idea in my head that I was supposed to be content with all my new mommy duties and the new role that was suddenly mine after giving birth to Zoey. Nobody told me how hard this transition would be. Not the loving of this new being completely, (that was SO easy), but the complete and utter sacrifice that I had to make in the beginning. I'm sure that outside circumstances affected my feelings...we had only just been married, we were poor and only going to be poorer with my staying home, living in a new community with no support system in place. Even as I write this I worry that people will think that I am complaining which I'm not. I am only thinking that maybe new mother's need to hear that things are going to be tough for awhile, that it's okay to not have perfected your role as mother the second that your baby is born, to be told that it takes time. Heck, the role will never be perfected. I've found that at least for myself, if I am not pouring something into myself creatively I am restless. I am frustrated, not fully there for myself, for Ethan or for Zoey. My thinking becomes negative. Not good. It's just that those first months or first year after having a child you simply do not have the time let alone the energy to give to yourself, let alone your husband after giving non stop to your child. Just today I picked up Ethan's copy of A Joseph Campbell Companion and I was skimming through it and found some really good passages on being a woman and our roles vs. men's roles. "When the female within calls the sculpture who has found her instruments of power, the mallet and chisel, her art falls apart because she can't carry a serious art career unless she is at it, and nothing else, all day long. This wreckage doesn't happen with men. When the female calls the male, all he does is go and get married, because the female is out there, where she naturally is. I would say that this is one of the points in the female journey: there is a heavier load of given nature to deal with. It starts with the girl being overtaken by the menstrual moment, and then she's a woman. Your whole body tells you that you have disowned it. A man does not have that problem. A woman can follow the hero's journey, but there will be other calls and another relationship that's asked of her, namely, to the nature field of which she is the manifestation."

You really need to read it all in context to get the idea but it really spoke to me today, for whatever reason. I think that we as women need to embrace the idea that we DO NOT have to be perfect. It is okay to need more, to ask for help, to have days that we are sad for no reason. It is okay to be just who we are and nothing more and nothing less. We should be able to complain to one another and have the other say, "I'm sorry." and that is all. No remedies no recommendations...just acknowledgment of knowing that things are tough right in this moment for this woman. That should be okay. If only I can remember this and be there for Zoey in this way down the road when she becomes a woman. -j
Anna and Rick said...

jenny bean. thank you for writing your not on it is okay... women do need to hear this. no one prepares you for the joy, frustration, magnificence

Anna and Rick said...

and aloness you feel in those moments of questioning your own ability to do eveything you believe you are expected to do. I think part of this is our expectation of what is supposed to be... and then to your point it is that we have no idea what is going to happen when we become mothers. Balancing your personal growth and happiness with fostering a loving and nurturing enviroment for your family is hard...very hard.

It is wonderful that you share your thoughts, beautiful pictures, and inspiring art pieces with your readers. You are a strong women and I am thankful that you have created this site for us to be a part of...

Jennifer Davis said...

thanks and hugs! :)